August 14, 2008

  • Is it Me or the Intern?

    In two weeks my summer intern is going back to school. I know it is kind of messed to say, but it could be a minute too soon.  The kid drives me absolutely crazy.  I swear he inhales a canister of lithium before he comes to work.  This is the third year he has worked for me, believe I do not have a choice in the matter, or he would not have ben welcomed back on the second year.
     
    He is a nice kid, he is just a bit off, and I lack the patience necessary to work with him.  he also stands in the doorway to my office and stares, he never knows how to just end a conversation and leave.  He is either lacking all social graces or brain cells. 
     
    I have spent the last 6 weeks telling him that I have no work for him and pawning him off on other people.  Today, after he asked me about three times if there was anything he could do for me, I broke down and told him that I hated the black pens that the department had purchased.  They making a scratching sound when ever you write with them, and I take a lt of notes and need a smooth sounding ink flow when it comes my pen.  These scratchy pens make me want o kill myself, I feel like they should come with an ink cup and have a two foot feather attached.  Only the Marquis De Sade would write with a pan like this.
     
    I asked the intern to get the office supply catalog and order me better pens.  This opened the flood gates to about fifteen questions, things I had never though of like color, push-button or cap, and things like that.  Finally, I held up a pen I have sitting on my desk and asked if he can just order a pen like this.  I believe my instruction went something like this:  Can you find pens like this, order some black and some read.  the rest of the conversation went like this:
     
    intern:  How many should I order?
     
    me:  I don’t know, less than 500.
     
    intern:  really?
     
    me:  yeah, get anywhere between 1 and 500.  500 or more would be excessive, that would be too many to fit in my office.
     
    intern:  Ok, I will order them.
     
    me: I am joking don’t get 500, get like a box or each….you know a normal amount of pens…..
     
     
    My door has been closed since……
     
    ..:: dr. dante

August 13, 2008

August 12, 2008

  • Open Casting Question — Record Attempt

    Anyone that knows me knows that I love one thing, attention, attention,
    attention.  My new goal is to set a Xanga record for the most comments on a single post, I have no idea what that number is so i am going to
    start with an arbitrary goal of 10,000 comments.  To make this a bit
    more interesting that just whoring myself for random comments, please
    reply with an answer to the following question:



    If they were making a movie of your life story up to this point, who would play you in the movie?



    In order to reach the goal of 10,000 comments, please be sure to rate
    this post 5 stars, and recommend it to all your subs.  It would be no
    fun with out a time line, so let’s shoot for 1 week from right now,
    next Tuesday at approx 9;300 pm EST to get the 10K comments.



    If by chance you know of a post that has surpassed that number of
    comments, or if you know that current comment record lower than 10K,
    please let me know and we will adjust accordingly.



    It feels so great to be back.



    btw — in case you were wondering, I would pick Charlie Sheen, Ray Liotta, or Christopher Walken.



    ..:: dr. dante

  • Six Degrees of Assholes at the Beach

    I was reading last week about the effect that the internet and cell
    phone networks have had on the concept of six degrees of separation. 
    It does make sense when you think of all the people you probably have
    in your address book and then think of the address book of each of
    those people, and that is just two degrees at that point.  The articles
    interested me in that fact that technology has most definitely made the
    world smaller, but how much smaller?  I thought I would use Xanga to
    test how easy it would be to find a random person.



    Last Tuesday I took my family to the beach at Point Pleasant, NJ and
    upon entering I had exchanged a few words with the life guard at the
    beach entrance.  I had expressed that it was a bit outrageous to charge
    seven dollars to enter the beach to residents of the state of New
    jersey, since we already pay some of the highest real estate and income
    taxes in the country.  In making my point, he got a little insulted
    when I suggested that in the off season, Point Pleasant is a welfare
    community, like most beach towns.  I will spare you the boring details
    of the exchange, but will end with the fact that the guy was nasty,
    arrogant, child, with way too much say and not enough life experience
    or knowledge to back it up.  perhaps he had spent too much time in the
    sun this summer.



    What the hell does this story have to do with Six Degrees of Separation?



    I was wondering how difficult it would be for a random person reading
    this blog to reply to it with a cell phone picture of the life guard in
    my story, and also post how they found themselves reading this blog
    entry.



    I would describe the life guard as early twenties, short
    blond hair, pointed nose, about 5’8″ to 5’10″, feather tattoos on his
    arm and around his rib cage waist area, very arrogant, nasty
    disposition, works at the beach at Point Pleasant, NJ.  That is all you
    have to go on.



    The winner will receive nothing, and the the contest is over when I
    verify that picture posted in the comments section of this blog is the
    person.  Feel free to forward or recommend this blog to anyone you
    think can provide the picture.  Do not approach this life guard, or
    question the confrontation last week, be warned that a conversation
    with this guy can cause sever stomach cramps and massive attacks of
    vomiting and diarrhea.  Good Luck !!!



    ..:: dr. dante

August 11, 2008

  • Why I hate my Coffee Guy…

    I buy my coffee each morning from one of those coffee carts in the street in NYC….every morning same thing, buttered roll and an Iced Coffee, light, no sugar.  A few weeks ago he raised the price of the Iced Coffee by twenty-five cents.  He said it was because the price of milk had gone up.  I am in no position to ague that point since no one knows better than moi that the cost of everything in the grocery store, including milk has gone up.  But still, it seems excessive, assuming he puts an average of two onces of milk in each coffee and charges a quarter more for each, that would be 32 quarters or 8 dollars extra for every gallon of milk he uses.  I do not think that price of milk has gone up by $8.00 per gallon.  He is just another in a long list of scumbags who is exploiting an already weak economy for his own personal gain. 

    I have come to conclusion that I can not do anything amount it, if you think i am seem angry now, you should see me when I do not have my Iced Coffee.

    ..:: dr. dante

  • Introducing the New me

    I have decided to start referring to myself as Dr. dante, and so I have decided that if i am going to call myself a doctor, i need to start looking like a doctor.  What do you think of the new profile pic?

    ..:: dr. dante

     

  • Rambo Revisited

    Last night my wife went food shopping and asked me if I wanted her to pick a DVD for me to watch.  I thought that was pretty cool considering that she always gets two movies for herself and none for me.  I asked her to see if they had 21, and if not just get me anything that has people dying.  Of course they did not have 21, so she got me the new Rambo movie.  She must have mistaken me for a mindless teenage boy.   I politely took the movie and asked her is was fucking joking, and she promptly replied, I saw the cover and figured “People Die.”  She had me on a technicality so I said nothing.  After her and the baby went to sleep, I decided to give it a try.  It was not nearly as bad as it could have been, and actaully not as bad some of the previous Ramboo movies.  The violence was completly over the top, and to make it even better, the closing credits were rolling at about 81 minutes.  Quick and Violent, the only way to enjoy Stallone.  Overall I give it a C+, the dialogue was a combination of ridiculous and hilarious, but fortuantly there was not much of it.
     
    My typical routine after I watch any movie, whether I love it or hate it, is to look it up on IMDB.com and read the trivia and some of the production notes and to check out waht other thought of it by reading some of the highlights of the message boards.  I came across tis post in teh message boards that I though was so genius, i would repost it here:
     
     
    She’s still psychologically traumatized from the horrific violence she witnessed against her family so would this film be OK for her to watch?
    Also she’s an amputee as a result of a land mine incident and she wakes up at night screaming because she still has nightmares about it.
     

    If that were my adopted Burmese child, I would not show her the movie, I would wait until she was older and starting questioning the adoption and her birth parents, then I would slap it in to the DVD player and tell her it is home movies that the orphange sent with her when she was adopted.

    ..:: dante

  • The Vagina Game

    I had some friends over the house this past weekend for a little Barbecue, a few cocktails, and some laughs.  A friend of mine was telling me that she spoke to her daughter earlier in the week, who is away at Summer Camp, and she told her mom that they had been playing The Vagina Game.  My immediate thought was that they were playing “Good Touch, Bad Touch” with the counselors.  I know it is a sick joke considering i have a daughter of my own, but I stand firm on the rule that as long as my daughter is not involved, a little inappropriateness can still be funny.

    The Vagina Game as explained to me is when you go make a list of Movie Titles and replace one word in the title with the word vagina. The game seemed like a fun children’s game, for 12 or 13 year old girls, but as the story was told to me, I cold not resist to come up with a few entries.  I thought it would be fun to paly on Xanga, especially on this dreary, dark, rainy Monday.

    The game is pretty can get addictive, and am quite sure we can be more creative than a group of girls at summer camp.

    If you don’t like this game, I have others…….

    ..:: dante

     

     

     

August 10, 2008